Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
