1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm at about main and main street
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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