I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
