The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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