did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
