Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
