I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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