How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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