yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
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Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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