Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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