He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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