I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
