Screwed.edu
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
