You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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