I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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