After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
