what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
