Ambien. No doubt about it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
