i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
