I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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