I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care