i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.