Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How many fucks given?