$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.