I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
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THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.