So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor