i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
