When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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