Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
