So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I pour the whiskey from now on
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
