My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
