i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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