Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
