tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
