I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
