Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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