Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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