She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
