Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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