we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
