it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
