Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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