Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The best revenge is premature balding
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
