I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
high people should be assigned attendants
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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