I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
