i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
