he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
