my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I want her autograph on my taint
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
