she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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