end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
