YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
