she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you made out with another girl for some wings
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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