Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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