maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
