tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
