if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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