some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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