i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
