i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
