dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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