I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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