The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
