You smell like stripper and shame
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
