Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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