I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
