By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
