blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
