Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
