i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
