this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
