Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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