You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
