There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
