she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
